Weekend Fun
(Parenthetically Speaking)

From: Bob Wolfrom
To: Mike Wallace
Subject: Weekend Fun

Mike,
I opted for the Spin Cycle ride Sunday, mainly 'cause the name 'Ball Buster' had ominous connotations - plus I had the foolish notion that the women would go easy on me. Well, there was ONE woman on the ride. She was one of the regulars (she rides the yellow Lemond). She was dropped by the time the group got as far as Laura Duncan.

From that point, I tried to hold the wheels of my friends; like Shafer, Fissel, Kurt, and Allen. I dropped Kurt as soon as we left Spin Cycle (my highlight for the day!), but unfortunately, it was because he had forgotten his shoes. I offered mine in the hopes that being too small, they would cut off circulation to his feet, and I could edge him out just as gangrene was setting in.

From there on, my day was a struggle to hang with Kevin and Joe. I managed to lose them by sneaking off the course and finishing with a solo flourish which  impressed the grannies who had just finished their shopping at Fresh Market.  I went over to McD's to get a coke, but Shafer, Fissel, Allan, and the other 50 guys had drunk it all! I never thought that pumpkin carving would be the highlight of my weekend.

Respectfully,
Wolf

----- Response -----

From: Mike Wallace
To: Bob Wolfrom
Cc: Rick Ferguson
Subject: Re: Weekend Fun 

Wolfman,
You missed a great (read gruesome) ride Sunday. We had a large group (read moderately small - 7 bikes) and several (read more than one) women. After all the wannabees (read smart guys - Shafer) bailed out (read came to his senses) and left the parking lot looking for a better (read smarter) group to ride with, then we ceremoniously left to the cheers of the fans (read Smith struggled to put is right pedal in his shoe and we all circled the wagons to the caws of circling crows till he figured out the combination).

The ride was quite calm and started with the traditional warmup (read Rick pushed by MARGARET took off out of the parking lot and up the first hill like the Shuttle lifting off from Cape K). We cruised along at moderate pace (read ouch ball buster is the correct name) with no sprinting (read nobody could hold the R/M wheel going down hill) and rode the relatively flat (read after 10 we quit counting the major climbs) with ease (read lots of whining and we dropped Smith/Claude a couple of times). Fortunately the weather conditions were optimum (read cold as a witches teat at the start and the 15 mph wind increased to around 20 and seemed to be in our face the last 45 miles). We stopped at the store at 36 miles for needed refreshments (read the damn store was closed and if you didn't carry enough food then too damn bad). As we started off for home everyone was in a great mood (read really bitching because the wind was blowing in our faces at about 20mph). We all stayed together thus maximizing the windshield effect and comradery (read we dropped Gregg like a hot potato when he made the mistake of stopping to shed his ballooning jacket). We stayed together the whole ride (read we shed Smith/Claude at the Ball Rd mountain climb as they shortcut read got very smart and dropped Rich with 10 to go then Gregg turned off trying to hijack the ride on his personal shortcut read damn I wish I had followed him).

We were all happy (read ecstatic to have finally finished) to return to the cheering fans (read same damn crows) at the parking lot (Gregg of course was already back). All in all I look forward to again riding this moderately challenging route with Rick (read it will be a cold day in hell before I again submit to this sadistic torture).

Seriously, I very much enjoyed Rick's ride and WILL be happy to ride it again..

Thanks Rick!

Mike (damn my legs hurt, read I was the whiner) Wallace

----- Response -----

From: Rick Ferguson
To: Mike Wallace
Subject: Re: Weekend Fun

Mike, thanks for a great (accurate) ride report. I relaxed (slept like a log) all afternoon and felt fine (erm, ooh, ouch) this morning. I enjoyed riding with Margaret (rode the brakes the whole way) and look forward (like hell) to doing that ride (death march) again. Maybe we can do it in better weather (wind AND sleet). My respect (uh huh) to all the Road Dogs who showed up (couldn't think of anything better to do). Have mercy on me (right) on the next one.

See you on the road-

Rick F,
where did I leave that Advil...